REPORT: FINANCIAL COMPANY BREAKS BARRIERS - LITERALLY
Company swaps chairs for tree stumps as they go where no company has gone before....
Phoenix, Arizona –Following extensive research on the productivity levels of employees, White Mountains Champion Financial located in Phoenix, Arizona chose to create a more open environment by designing and constructing a building with no walls in the middle of nothing but serene nature up north.
According to a study released last June, the productivity and overall well-being of employees sky rockets when surrounded by the outdoors. Multiple tests and studies found 12 times out of 10 an employee is more capable of thinking freely and being more motivated to work when there are no barriers, in any form, between them and Mother Nature. The fresh air allows for certain endorphins in the brain to release more often, resulting in lower stress levels and bigger smiles.
“The biggest challenge was getting over the awkwardness of going to the bathroom without privacy,” said a company employee. “But now everyone just has their own spot at a tree or bush, their own territory if you will.”
There was a toilet in the building, but most preferred the woods anyhow. In a way, it was a bit more private than the single toilet on the ground floor everyone could see in and out of.
Then it was the animals who caused a few issues. Mostly raccoons, squirrels, birds and sometimes bears. They made themselves at home and employees had no choice but to accept it.
It was most likely the smell of honey granola bars, chips and various other human foods that attracted the animals at first, but now they stick around out of curiosity.
Raccoons, the smartest and most cunning of the group, began observing and eventually adopting human behaviors such as sitting on chairs, taking Instagram photos of each other and arguing about politics while they are supposed to be working. They are also the only ones to use the single toilet facility.
“Everyone was too afraid to interrupt them,” said company CEO. “Plus, they got more work done on the toilet than most of my managers did during an entire day anyway.”
As for the birds they made themselves nests in office drawers, settling in nicely and the bears only came through to raid the pantries.
At this point, everyone coexisted in peace; animals and humans both adopted many of the other’s traits. Animals were beginning to stream Hulu at their desks and the employees were tapping into their primal instincts often walking on fours and smelling each other’s butts.
Intoxicated to the draw of the wilderness, senses strong and living off the land, the company was forgotten as the employees one by one retreated to the woods to begin a new life without shoes.
Vines and all types of plants now weave in and out of the wall-less, abandoned structure. Computers and chairs that haven’t been touched in months sit lonely and unused - aside from the raccoons who still like to show up for work and screw off. Employees of the company have not been seen since, retreating to the peace of the deep woods.
Company executives and CEO’s wondered why they ever worked in the first place.
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It is a certainty that most, if not all, of the above information has been made up and is completely false. Mostly.